Searching 4 Safety

Searching for safety 

A victim of my own choices 

I’d claim ignorance but it would be a lie

I’m wise 

So wise ; I can see my demise before it comes 

Yet I still go

Reminds me of the first time where I heard Gods voice 

Clear as day 

I chose to keep walking. 

I walked into a curse 

And still,  I haven't quite learned my lesson 

So there’s no need to feel bad 

Although maybe that’s what I want 

Pity 

Sympathy 

Empathy 

I suppose they are all different but neither changes what’s been done 

I shame myself in isolation 

Knowing no one could do better at it then me 

The enemy whispers the worse things in my ear 

I’ve learned to rebuke him, but when it comes to me…

I don’t rebuke her because 

Somebody has to say it 

You’re a fool

A wise one

Yet still one

Wisdom doesn’t equate to no mistakes 

Although I think it’s supposed to…

Led by my flesh after all this time 

Forcing my myself to die everyday 

There’s still that piece of my past that leads the way 

Shameful indeed

Yet what would this life be without the internal suffering that seems to proceed me daily 

Life is a gift however in a way it feels fixed 

I won’t complain because it rains regardless 

Grateful to not be heartless 

However consistently suffering because my heart is 

“Too big for my britches”

So big I’d leap off the side of the building with you 

Had I stayed in the streets I know loyalty would have been the death of me 

I can’t play it cool

Nor do I want to 

about how much of a fool I can be 

It doesn’t help much for you or for me 

Poem.