Eye of Joy

  I am the problem. It’s true I knew what would happen  walking thru your doors  I wanted you  To want me  Hoping I could ride the line of sin and saved  Saying no but acting out yes  I wanted you to  Want me too Just enough for my half in half out to be good enough for you to say  I want you and I want you to stay. I’m the problem because you were up front from the start  Which made me want you even more  There no excuse for my recklessness  If I’m honest I’ve existed in different forms of this dysfunction for centuries  I hate that for me  I’d love that for you  If you were willing to be blind for me  But I don’t recommend it.  Cause I can see that I am the problem. And I want you even more because you won’t let me be … Your problem. 

  Minimizing us to our bodies; they’re Only willing to see us as humans with feelings AFTER they taste our soul…. After they extract from our womb and after the soul tie is created  is when you choose to ask what her favorite cake is and whether or not she prefers the day or the night time  You may not even care if we’re honest.. Because you’ve already gotten what you were looking for  The taker of her energy  The creator of despair in her heart  You only wanted her womb ; the thing that makes her woman but you never stopped to see if you wanted to her  Her laugh  Her cry Her love   You never really looked her in the eye  Yet, You want her to let you in.  But you don’t want to stay  You just want to stop by to say hey  You say all the things they told you to say  and like a fool she falls every time hoping that this time it won’t be a replay  She opened herself up hoping you’d be different ; but the truth is...

 P raying for the healing of a soul tie that shouldn’t even exist  I long to be free of it all. Questioning what is feels like to be untouched  Un- tainted. Still ignorant to the world in a way; that you can only know it through the sharing of your body with another  Tied in the wrong knot  Knotted in a covenant  of unholiness with a baptized infant in Christ who never mentions Him How unholy of me… This life is overwhelming, confusing, exciting, and  complex all at the same time  Add anything else into it like:  Race Class Religion Opinion Thought  A hypothetical question  And shit really gets hectic  I don’t know really know where I was going but my end is here…..   Everyday we wake anew  Given an opportunity to be renewed  Time is of the essence  And every day is a blessing   a sign that something is to come Something bigger, something grander Something unlike any other one Until that day ...

  We weep in isolation  Unable to come to one another in mourning Battered and broken  Tired and alone internally.  We weep in isolation  Numbing ourselves with poison and momentary inconsistent reliefs We weep In isolation  for the ones lost  Remembering the reality of how they made us feel. Realizing the connection  The significance of the relationship  And the permanence of their departure. Weeping in isolation  We are harnessed and held by God and the angels sent to us along the way In isolation we weep….  "Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh” Luke 6:21

  It’s not always about what you have;  especially when you treat people with kindness. Some of the most amazing experiences and things that have happened to me was done through someone else. I just had to show up and be myself. I moved with kindness and integrity not because I expected something but because it is who I am.  That alone has gotten me so far.  The best thing we can do for ourselves is work on our character and things that impact how we show up and how we steward (handle/ treat) other people .  Handling Gods people with grace and patience is a major key to life. It’s more rewarding than money.  Truly.